Written by Bobby Box
When people gain weight, feeling sexy is rarely cited. However, for those in the feedist community, the opposite is true—overeating and weight gain is the ultimate aphrodisiac. The gaining fetish (which goes by many names and all of which will be referenced) is a subcategory of fat fetishism—a strong, potentially exclusive sexual attraction to overweight people. Within the feederism fetish, one partner (typically male) derives erotic enjoyment from feeding food to their partner to gain weight. The “feedie” enjoys being fed and gaining weight, sometimes to a state of immobility.
Dr. Jenni Skyler, sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist for AdamEve.com, has had experience with those who practice the fetish and explains “encouragers” (vernacular typically used for gay men) or “feeders” (who are typically straight men), enjoy piloting caloric intake. To them, changing the human body is the ultimate kink. “They like the aspect of actually feeding their partner as the combination of food and sex is highly erotic for many people,” she explains. “Conversely, many feeders report feeling aroused by someone who appreciates their obesity and continual weight gain. They also enjoy being fully taken care of.”
For many in these communities, the duality of power and humiliation is also an erotic turn on. A study from 2009 concluded that “fat admirers” find overweight people attractive because they purposely reject sociocultural norms of attractiveness. Even emaciated figures were rated higher among these men.
Feederism is similar to BDSM, as the feeder/feedee relationship is a dominant and submissive bond. One takes charge, the other takes orders. The online community surrounding feederism is active and tightly knit. Many frequent sites like Fantasy Feeder to share recipes, experiences and discuss the healthiest ways to get fat fast.
Based on my own limited time on the website (I was swiftly booted as my intention on the site was media-driven), I found the methods for weight gain vary on the individual. Some opt for weekly indulgences, some eat large portions daily, while others plan an entire weekend of feasting to pack on the pounds.
The fetish is particularly popular among gay men. “I actually don’t know why this is, except to say that as a general rule, our country struggles with weight and body image, and gay men are very concerned about their bodies,” Dr. Skyler tells Playboy. “Rather than pander to the pervasive messages about being slender, some opt for the opposite, and embrace their overweight body and even aim for obesity. It can be easier to gain weight than to lose it, so there may be a sense of freedom from having to be part of the majority culture.”
Many believe the feeding fetish was founded by gay men, courtesy of the “Girth and Mirth” movement in the ‘70s, when a sizable network of social groups formed to promote positive attitudes toward larger bodies in the community. In 1996, the first website dedicated to gay men into weight gain launched, introducing the heterosexual community to the fetish. It’s been rapidly growing ever since.
In 2013, an anonymous writer detailed insightful experiences with the feederism fetish in an article titled “I Have a Sexual Fetish For Being Fed and Gaining Weight.” “I love eating very caloric, rich foods, and I practically squeal with glee if I see the numbers on the scale climb,” she writes. “I like being called piggy, requested to oink and being accused of being gluttonous and lazy.” To her, the fetish has made being fat something to celebrate instead of something to hate herself for. Jennifer, a 36-year-old feedee, has gained 100 pounds since launching her pay site, Shameless Gluttony (NSFW), in 2011. “I eat whenever I’m hungry, and I eat anything that I’m in the mood for. I don’t have a strict diet that I adhere to,” she tells Playboy. “I personally try to make sure that all of my meals are balanced. I happen to love fresh fruits and vegetables. I try to make sure every meal incorporates each of the food groups.”
Jennifer was introduced to the feeding fetish in her late teens through Fantasy Feeder and admits feedism is part of her sexual identity. She’s made a career out of it. “I’m a fetish model and performer,” she says. “I cater to a wide variety of fetishes from face-stuffing and overeating to squashing. I’d like to think that my customers enjoy the amount of work that I put into my videos and try to make sure that they feel like they’re in the room experiencing this kink with me.”
The combination of food and sex is highly erotic for many people.
Jennifer shared one of these experiences with Playboy. “A former lover ordered me to take my clothes off and sit in the dead center of the bed. He pushed me back against the backboard and bound my wrists above my head,” she describes. He proceeded to blindfold her with a large piece of ribbon. “I felt something sweet press against my lips, and I opened my mouth. He pushed the pastry past my lips, and its exquisite taste instantly whet my appetite. I wanted more!” As he continued feeding Jennifer, she felt herself getting aroused. “I could barely keep up with the pace he was feeding me. I didn’t know how many pastries I’d eaten. I only knew that I was starting to get painfully full by the time he told me that this was the last bite. I loved it. I loved the feeling of being that full. He praised me as he pulled the blindfold off. He braced my neck and kissed me deeply as his other hand grabbed the thick roll of fat on my midsection. What followed isn’t any different than what a ‘normal’ couple would do.”
Like Jennifer, the aforementioned anonymous writer details that a feedist relationship is the highest form of intimacy she’s ever experienced, explaining that it’s more meaningful than regular sex because she’s in a profoundly vulnerable position. “I still get butterflies when my belly is rubbed, and I am encouraged to eat that next bite I want so much,” she writes.
Mira Belle, 22, has gained 80 pounds since discovering the community four years ago. She credits her interest in the fetish to the iconic scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when competitive gum chewer, Violet Beaureguarde, fills with juice, becoming a human blueberry. “I really liked the scene. Like…really liked it,” she says. “So, one night I started watching Youtube videos of the scene in slow motion, which led to stuffing videos and finally weight gain videos.”
The first time she climaxed to a feederism video, she Googled “Why do I like fat people?” which led her to the community. “It wasn’t until last year, however, that I started producing content for this fetish, though the weight gain started a while earlier,” Belle says. “When I’m in a gaining phase, I’m constantly eating! Any time I crave any sort of junk food—usually M&Ms, potato chips, or Hershey’s Kisses—I just veg out watching Netflix. I’m probably giving the community a bad name by saying this. Sorry!”
As is true of most fetishes, communication is important when engaging. Being able to discern reality from fantasy and understanding that consent needs to be continually discussed and negotiated is paramount. Some in the community try to manipulate the feedees, of course, pressuring them into doing things they aren’t comfortable with. Some will even pick on their insecurities to get it done. But as long as the rules of this controversial lifestyle/identity/sexual orientation (feedism has been described as all three) are mutually agreed on and the risks are understood, the feed is on. Bon appetit.